Starting Point for Spouses
The emotional pain for spouses of addicts is very deep, and very real. Whether it is the first time the trust has been broken, or another in a long line of broken promises, the hurt, anguish, and lack of hope cuts to the bone.
A spouse’s betrayal can be the most devastating loss you ever walk through. Working through the process of grieving that loss while trying to maintain family, work and/or church responsibilities can be lonely, confusing and exhausting. While many spouses immediately try to focus on their husband’s recovery or the recovery of the marriage, you also need help to navigate the rollercoaster of your individual thoughts, feelings and doubts. These relationship traumas can often stir up similar life traumas that now come back to overwhelm you. It is essential that you have a network of helpers and a plan for personal recovery. We recommend the following areas to seek help:
First Step recommended read:
Almost everyone has a friend who wants to offer advice in difficult times like this. The problem is that most friends can only offer advice based on their limited experience and that experience may not be helpful to your situation. It is essential for your self care that you find a counselor with experience in relationship trauma recovery. Whether you decide to stay in the marriage, you need help to understand and process the road to personal healing. A professional counselor can be that informed, objective ear to help support your healing process.
We all need a close friend to share life with. In the journey of healing from a spouse’s betrayal, that healthy friend can be hard to find. Some may project their unhealthy experiences on to your situation. Unfortunately, many have suffered similar pain but are still left hurt and embittered. Confidential support groups can be a life saver for your recovery.
Safe groups are:
Committed to confidentiality
Dedicated to supporting you as a person
Are not focused on changing you but walking with you in the journey of healing
Not focused on bashing spouses but supporting you as an individual
Like minded women who support Christian values in the context of suffering and healing
Local support groups with more information can be found on this page:
Several ministries around the country offer short term intense workshops for spouses that can help to facilitate your healing and offer a treatment plan to move forward. Here are some of the current options. As local options become available, they will be updated on this page: